Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
