no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
