It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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