operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
