i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
