I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
