I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
