Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
