i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
