Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
