he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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