I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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