You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
