I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
