hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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