just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
