why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
