This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
