I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
