my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
