This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
