You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
