haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
