Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
