I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
