He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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