I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
