News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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