Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
