It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
