Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
