I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
