I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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