So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
