We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We need to get me chipped asap
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
