i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
