help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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