Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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