like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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