nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
