Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
