Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
