i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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