i think i have herpe
just one?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
