its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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