Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
