last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i barfeds in our rink
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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