I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
