My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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