wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
